I Hate Front Lawns

reggie and jawsHate is a strong word but sometimes I need to use it. I hate front lawns. I live in the very beautiful Ditmas Park section of Brooklyn. Block after block of beautiful Victorian houses from the early 1900’s line each street.

And they all have front lawns.

Two weeks ago I was walking my dog with my son who is seven. The dog did his business on someone’s lawn and I picked it up and as I did I heard the front door open and close and the absolute break the mold prototype of the “get off my lawn” guy came bounding out.

He repeated “That is wrong” A few times before I remarked that I cleaned up after the dog. Not good enough apparently. My dog was destroying his lawn which was really an unmowed bunch of weeds. To the guy’s credit, he produces some beautiful tulips every spring… that I don’t let my dog near.

The guy continued to harangue me until I finally suggested that he call the police if he had a problem. He declined and called me an asshole instead.

Then this morning my son and I were on our way to Coney Island to partake in a sand sculpture event. The picture above is the shark my son made as we had watched Jaws the night before.

One our way down the block I decided to videotape my son walking because he has a habit that drives me crazy with him and many people I work with. In order to film him, I walked across someone’s lawn as he walked on the sidewalk.

And someone getting out of their car gave me the evil eye because I was stepping on his grass. He rolled his eyes, shrugged his shoulders and harrumphed into his house.

Who are these people and why do they cherish 10 x 10 plot of grass that requires a good deal of water in the summer if you want to keep it looking sharp. I am baffled and obviously annoyed by the need for people to have a sacrosanct green shrine in front of their house that should not be touched by the feet of others.

And I get that technically it is their property and I am trespassing but give me a break.

Growing up in Brooklyn in a house with a front yard I have no memories of it being precious, only of my father bitching and moaning about the upkeep.

We’re not suffering from  drought in New York (not yet) so even though I think it is stupid to waste water on watering a lawn, conservation isn’t an imperative, but take a look at the insanity of the pictures in the link below that show the contrast of lawn maintenance and drought out west.

The Modern Oases of Drought-hit California

You Can Build Arches In Flat Feet
Sunday Morning Music: The Lemonheads